Does your child have meltdowns or tantrums when you change from one activity to another? Do you have trouble getting your child to follow a regular routine? Consistent routines and rules help create order and structure your day. Things go more smoothly when you and your child know what to expect.
It’s normal for young children to test the limits. That’s how they learn what is right and wrong. But, it can be frustrating and really test our patience! One way to keep control and help children learn is to create structure. Structure is created by consistent routines and rules. Rules teach children what behaviors are okay and not okay. Routines teach children what to expect throughout the day.
Three key ingredients to building structure:
Consistency-doing the same thing every time
Predictability - expecting or knowing what is going to happen, so the child knows or expects what will happen
Follow-through-enforcing the consequence
Rules help create structure. A rule is a specific, clear statement about behaviors you expect from your child. Rules work best when there is consistency, predictability, and follow-through.
Rules help children understand what behaviors are okay and not okay. As children grow, they will be in places where they have to follow rules. Following rules at home can help children learn to follow rules in other places. It is normal for children to break rules and test limits. Consistent follow through with consequences when rules are broken help the child have a clear understanding about the importance of rules. Remember, young kids sometimes break rules because they simply forget. Not all broken rules occur because kids are testing the limits. But, our responses should be the same no matter what the reason for breaking the rule.
The number of rules you set depends on the child’s ability to understand and remember. It can be hard for adults to consistently enforce lots of new rules. For young children, focus on only two or three of the most important rules at any one time. As the child learns a rule and is following it consistently, you can add new rules.
Avoid vague rules, such as “be good.” “Be good” includes many different things and could be hard for a child to understand. A more specific rule would be “Talk to other how you would like them to talk to you.” Unacceptable behaviors should be stated as a clear and concrete rule, such as “No hurting others.” It is also important to state the acceptable or desired behavior immediately after the rule so your child knows what behavior you expect. For example, if you have told the child, “No hurting others,” you can follow that up with “You need to keep your hands and feet to yourself.”
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